My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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