can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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