Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
