I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
