Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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