Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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