I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you made out with another girl for some wings
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
