Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
