I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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