The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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