I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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