1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
