we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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