it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
