I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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