halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
