He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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