bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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