Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
