umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
