oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
