Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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