Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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