I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
