She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
