i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
