She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I love you.
Bad choice
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
