Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
