Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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