i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
