you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
