Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
