When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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