Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
