at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
