in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
