Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
