there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
