it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
