So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize