That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
