Jerry, you need to find god
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
