i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
