my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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