I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
