last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
