Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
