All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
