People with herpes should wear stickers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
