belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
