She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
