The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
