she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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