don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
