I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize