forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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