Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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