Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
