Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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