Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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