Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize