so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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