I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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