what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
3 2 1 whiskey
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
