so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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