Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
