I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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