I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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