is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize