then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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