I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
