OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
